You know growing up is a funny thing. I write this as a 30 year old who just NOW feels like she is growing up. And it’s just now that I am beginning to really look back and realize how my brain got “wired” as a child. That’s an ultra long story, so I won’t even go there today but I will say that somewhere between then and now I had this idea that perfection was the goal. And today I want to share with you how I recovered from that age-old lie that seems to fill just about every head that I know.
It Starts With a Question
Like all answers in my life, it all started with an annoying question (or questions I should say). Questions like these :
“Why do I give 110% of myself but still feel like I’m failing?”
“Why am I not reaching my goals?”
“When is my life going to happen?
“Will I ever have it all together?”
“Am I going to die before I felt like I made something of myself?”
The questions went from very light-hearted ones to deep and (if I’m being completely honest) totally painful ones. So painful that depression hit time and time again, with no end in sight. This story seems bleak but hence the title I promise we’re going to get to the good stuff!
Then I Realized
I don’t know when it happened but one night while in bed, I woke up and just started laughing to myself. Sounds totally creepy and weird but I swear it was my Oprah, “Aha!” moment. I was laughing because I realized I could do any old crazy thing in my life and it wouldn’t be considered a fail or a success. It was me just living my life and being me. Whatever happened in between was what we call life. And in those few seconds I seemed to unlock a whole trove of lost knowledge and wisdom within myself.
You see, my whole life I had been living in complete fear of not being perfect that I wasn’t living at all. I had let fear live inside of me and set unrealistic expectations for myself. All of the energy that could have been dedicated to pursuing a life that I love was being eaten alive by my intense desire to be perfect. Because I measured everything against the standard of perfection I missed out on so many opportunities. Not only did I miss out on them, but I didn’t even see them because the fear of failure created a fog around any opportunity I could ever dream of having.
Ask the Hard Questions
And so I began the process of rewiring my thoughts. All those years of “perfectionism” thinking had really taken it’s toll on me and it was going to take some major work on my part to recover. As a “recovering perfectionist” as I like to call myself, this task alone would have normally seemed like a massive undertaking. How am I going to undo years of backwards thinking and change the whole course of my life once and for all?! Talk about a challenge! Without panicking I remembered my strength in life… And that is asking annoying questions all the time, haha! I turned every idea that I had into a question, an experiment if you will.
“What if I just did it?”
My first question was “can I be who I am before people realize who I am?” If this doesn’t make sense now it will in a bit, promise. What I was doing was being honest with myself about what I wanted. AND I had to redefine success. That whole “what would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail” deal… Here’s what I knew I REALLY truly wanted:
I wanted to impact others in a positive way.
I wanted to open my creativity again and have FUN.
I wanted to do these two things and I really REALLY wanted to be good at them.
Within two weeks I opened a new social media account. The perfectionist in me said “DON’T DO IT! You are so NOT qualified to do this and you WILL run out of content in a week or less.” I had no real plan other than ideas I wanted to share and how I wanted to present myself to others. Although my old perfectionist ways tried to hold me back, I kept pursuing my big questions… What if I just did it? What if I just believed in myself JUST BECAUSE and moved forward with only intuition and bold courage?
I defined success from the start. Just doing it was my success. Just sharing that video, that project, that photo… Believing in myself was the ultimate goal and I knew everyday I would succeed if I just believed in myself.
Really, Really Scary
I’m here to tell you GOOD THINGS happen when you throw perfection in the trash. You become everything that fear tells you that you are not. You will learn to override negativity and ugly lies that the “perfectionist you” doesn’t want you to get rid of. It is a crazy and exhilarating ride, one that does not come naturally to us because we are wired to live within the secure boundaries of perfectionism. And to that I can tell you, if it feels really, really scary then you are on to something SO GOOD.
Truly, this post is not about me. I am only sharing this to inspire you reading this to move forward in your goals, whatever they may be! For me, my goals led me to starting a new Instagram account, and then this blog here. And now there are many doors that are opening up before eyes and I’m so grateful and want to share my knowledge with as many other women and mamas as I can. I beg you, if you feel trapped by your perfectionist ways, there IS another way. A beautiful crazy way! It feels so scary but you don’t have to do it alone. Let’s do this together, I’ve got your back!
If you enjoyed this Sunday night reflection, stick around for part 2 of this post series on recovering from perfection. Next I will explain what exactly I replaced perfection with and it’s GOLD. And if you haven’t already, sign up for the monthly newsletter for all the goods here.
Have you trashed your old perfectionist ways yet? Let it sink in and we can chat about it tomorrow on Instagram and Facebook. You may also leave a comment below to open up the conversation. Have a wonderful Sunday evening friends!
X o X o ,
